Thursday, March 25, 2010
Serving up a bowl of tears
You know when you are a kid (or adult) and something happens where you start crying and then you start crying even harder because you feel bad for yourself for crying so hard and this goes on for about 15 minutes until you become numb and breath long lip quivering moans between your tears which turn into stuttering breaths? Then, somehow at the end of all that you begin to wonder why you even began crying at all with the realization that life really isn't as bad as it seemed in the last 15 minutes and ideas come to you about how to pick yourself up by your bootstraps and get it together. I am pretty sure this was the tearful storm that brewed in Marie T Smith's cat filled kitchen before she looked up and saw the light that was her microwave. That beacon of radiation filled hope that said to her "fuck filling the lonely hours of your life doing something useful with your time like cooking...pop that steak in the microwave and call it an ambien-induced night".
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Doppelganger!
Man in Korea marries body pillow.
Man, this guy is going to be pissed when someone tells him about the Real Doll.
In 1991, when I was just a wee lassy, my family moved from Abu Dhabi to California. At a time when no one understood the refinement of having one continuous eyebrow or clothes that were obviously not from around those parts, I had a hard time making friends. So, when Kristen Garcia asked me to come over to her house and hang out I accepted and was immediately excited at the prospect of having a friend. Side Note: I later found out that she was THE girl at school that no one wanted to hang out with due to her irregular hygiene habits and her (as you will found out shortly) odd behavior. How was I supposed to know...I was an immigrant.
So, I was dropped off at her house one day. We spent some time in her kitchen before her mother came in a starting yelling at her for not showering for the past 3 days. Oh, how the irony of all of this will play later in my life when I decided to strike the concept of showering. At the time, however, I was disgusted but decided maybe this is what was meant when people said American girls were dirty. So, we scurried up to her room where she proceeded to explain to me a little make-believe game where she would be dating Patrick Swayze (who I did not know at the time) and I would be dating Tom Cruise (who I also did not know at the time) and we would be making out with the fucking WALL! and act like it was our respective gentleman callers. I freaked out and called my mom to come pick me up after I told her the game was weird and I did not understand why we would play it.
For me, this guy is the the fat Korean doppelganger of Kristen expect he is more enamored by soft flexible materials while she is attracted to the unyielding nature of walls.
Kristen is currently in China being courted by the Great Wall. *The contrariness of going to China to find a "big" object of affection should be noted.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
I introduce to you the lionhead rabbit
Thank Noah and his arc for saving two of every animal so they could procreate and save this precious lot. Actually, they are a new breed first recognized in 2002 and are intentionally bred, but these heavenly creatures have captured me hart (silent h please). And with this we have found the solution for world peace. If a thousand of these bunnies were hopping timidly across a battlefield, tell me, who would have the heart to shoot? Soldiers would just fall to their knees and cry in shame for harming the world that these bunnies live in.
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The proof is in the parking
An official in Shijiazhuang, China, told Agence France-Presse in December that the city's new "women only" parking lot was designed to meet females' "strong sense of color and different sense of distance." That is, the spaces are 3 feet wider than regular spaces and painted pink and purple. Also, attendants have been "trained" to "guide" women into parking spaces. [BBC News, 12-28-09]
I am going to keep a copy of this article on me so that the next time someone is accused of being racist for saying Asian women can't drive I can prove that their own government recognizes the problem.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)