True Hollywood Story: Sarah Palin

Before the makeover

Like...totally.

Nice song. Nice Video.

I remembered this video today...melancholy joy.

Wrong in more ways than one

Lesson #1 for future stripper at Joe's Strip Club off Highway 2 in Flint, Michigan: Make sure there are enough clothes in your closet to eventually strip off your body. Just a basic rule...otherwise it would not be called stripping...doy.

Parallel Universe: Part II - Our underwater counterparts

Oh Squeaky...could there ever be a greater love than ours?


(PhysOrg.com) -- Scientists studying dolphin behavior have suggested they could be the most intelligent creatures on Earth after humans, saying the size of their brains in relation to body size is larger than that of our closest relatives, the chimpanzees, and their behaviors suggest complex intelligence. One scientist said they should therefore be treated as "non-human persons" and granted rights as individuals.

If these dolphins were really so smart they would swim for ze underwater hills.

While this may open up marriage prospectives for those long in the tooth (and chin hair) looking to settle down with an individual, it will also give guys much needed competition in certain areas...ahem, if you know what i mean. What does it mean that dolphins will now be considered non-human persons? Can we put them to work so they can pay taxes? Can parts of the ocean inhabited by dolphins now be recognized by the United Nations as a sovereign state exercising power in the world? What the f are these scientists talking aboot? Scientist (from Canada), "its aboot democracy, its aboot freedom!" Apparently, these scientists think it is a crime to keep such intelligent animals in captivity or kill them and that they should have rights? Erum...okay...shouldn't this apply to all living things?

Of course, all of this aside, the most important question is whether dolphins now have the right to abort the tiny fetus inside its belly. Since dolphins may be considered individuals living in complex social structures, is the little baby considered an individual at conception. Can the mama dolphin squeak, "oh hell no, i am NOT about to raise another child in this world when I can barely take care of myself. Migrating across the ocean to find food is not easy and I will be god damned if I can going to share my food with another little bastard."

Oh...this world is so full of riddles!

Omophagy - Word of the every so often

Omophagy - The eating of raw food, especially raw meat.

Homo, faggy...what kind of raw meat are they talking about?

Used in a sentence: When Billy told his parents he was embracing a life of omophagy, his dad immediately began to regret not spending more time with him playing sports and introducing him to nudie mags.

Parallel Universe

Don "Moose" Lewis announced plans in January for a 12-city pro basketball league composed only of white players (natural-born U.S. citizens, whose parents are both Caucasian). Lewis denied any "racism," explaining to the Augusta (Ga.) Chronicle that whites simply like "fundamental" basketball and not "street ball" ("flipping you off or attacking you in the stands or grabbing their crotch"). [Augusta Chronicle, 1-19-10)

The year is 2010. From a parallel universe where everything is the opposite of what we know, an all white basketball team breaks through the mucus membrane separating the two worlds entering our reality. Unbeknownst to them, they entered a world where prostitution is illegal, fish swim in water, and Oprah is fat. In their world, basketball is played for the love of the game and not for showing off by dunking after making 360 degree spins and the opportunity to attack fans in the stands. They come from a more gentle world where Mexicans are the paying customers and Asians have insanely huge eyes. When they play, the theme song for the Andy Griffith Show plays in the background. Theirs is a world of leisure. So, when they announced that they were going to create and all-white basketball league that would go on a 12 city tour to show us what the game of basketball is really about, imagine their surprise when they were criticized and called racist. Geez, they just wanted to give us a peek into their world so maybe we can learn what basketball is really about.

Almost as cool as the electric flyswatter

I really wouldn't mind donating the droplet of blood a mosquito pierces my skin to suck in an invasive fashion if they did not leave an annoying and itchy bump behind. Seriously, I am not going to die without that drop of blood and really if the mosquito were to evolve out of leaving that mark for the survival of their kind there would be a lesser attempt to kill them at every given chance. They also need to work on the insanely loud buzzing heard when they near the ear. I think it is fair to say that humans should work on evolving out of being affected by Malaria so mosquitoes and humans alike can collectively hate on the poop eating vomiting and re-digesting fly.

Since mosquitoes have not reached aforementioned level of evolution, this is currently the best invention of 2010. Die fuckers!!!

Long Live The Queen

It occurred to me today what I did not know the last name of Queen Elizabeth. Then, I started to realize that I don't know that last name of any of the members of the English royal family. Prince Charles...Prince William...Fergie Ferg. So...I did some research and came up with the following.

1. Who the fuck needs a last name when you can end your introduction as Queen of England or Prince of Wales.

2. The Royal Family did not have an official last name at all until 1917 when George V officially adopted "Windsor"

There are a lot more details to all this but the bottom line is that they just use the name of the house they belong to.

In a related story...conspiracy theorist David Icke has long said that the Royal Family (in fact all the ruling elite of the world) was part of a lineage of reptilian humanoids that has been controlling the world since 5000bc. The lineage originally started in the Middle East and slowly moved to Rome, then Britain and lastly the Americas. So...let's make a connection...the royal family never has a last name...the gecko from the Geico commercial and any other reptile I know for that matter never had last name. SO....David Icke isn't crazy after all...right?

In a relevant but perhaps not so related story...the Phoenicians (Icke says this is right about where the Middle East alien baby making started) as far back as 1103BC sailed and settle in England to mine tin...hence the name Britain...which means this evolved mixed alien race could have exported their reptile blood to the whites at that time when making sexy time with the locals who in turn also become evolved and eventually took over the world...muhahahah (pinkie in the corner of mouth.)

Just saying...